Thursday, November 26, 2009
sehari sebelum raya...
I never thought it was harder than i think. I think i still can carry on celebrating Hari Raya without my family because all my good frens are around and they also did not come back to their hometown. It was ok at first until my little sister called me asking whether is it true i'm not coming back. i said, yup, it's true that i'm not coming back this time coz my final paper just around the corner and i can't bear to lose a minute of my precious time [ i don't consider writing in my blog now as losing my precious time coz it is a way for me to give myself a few minutes of break after a long tiring hour of study =) ].
I supposed to be there in my hometown, having a good time with my parent, siblings and family but i guess it is the time for me to do a "sacrifice". It does not mean that i sacrifice my family in order to pursuit my excellence in study but i have to do this. I want my parent to be proud of me, i want my siblings to be proud of their sister and that is why i sacrifice the good time so that i won't regret in my later life.
I miss my home so much...mama, baba , atok, my siblings (although sometimes they are annoying but i love them very much for sure,huhuhu) and my family.
Hari Raya's eve, me and my frens went down heading to cafe to have dinner but unfortunately the cafe is closed =( luckily Cangkir cafe in students' center is still open, so we went there to have our dinner....isk3x....
and that's make me want to cry....how i miss my hometown....uwaaa.....
p/s: i miss mr H so much....eventhough i know he will never reply, i still want to wish him and let him know that i still here, waiting for him.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
i miss him...A LOT...
After he left, my heart broken so badly. i never thought that *physical appearance* counts most when it involves someone you really like and have a potential to go beyond the bound of a friendship. I know me and him shared the same feeling but i guess for him the feeling was gone right after he sees me...
how i know he has a feeling towards me? coz action speaks louder than words...
and
how i know he does not wants me anymore? again...action speaks louder than words.
my good frens advise me to forget him and erase him from my memory but i just can't. They said that i deserve better than him but my heart says he is the best for me.
what are the reasons i fall in love wif him?
- he is very gentle wif his parent and his siblings.
- the way he treats me, his attention towards me, his advises etc.
- he is very soft spoken.
- he always remind me about what is the purpose of my existence in this world.
People say, he does not wants you anymore, you better find someone else coz for sure there are a better person than him.
BUT...i just can't...it's hard for me to fall in love and hard for me to leave my love.
How long i want to be like this? i dunno...but i do know something, he has always said to me "buatlah sesuatu kerana Allah dan yakinlah dengan janji2 Allah dan pasti ada kejayaan..."
with this piece of advise, i pray day and night,
if he is meant to be for me,
if he is the best for me,
if he is the piece of me that is missing,
may Allah brings us together in His blessing
but
if he is not for me, to Allah i pray to give me someone who is better than him in everthing...
urghhhh....
Sunday, November 22, 2009
appreciate the one who really loves you =)
Kau katakan cinta gunakan akal
Bila aku gunakan, kau yang menyangkal
Bagaimana nak kekal
Kau katakan cinta gunakan minda
Bila aku gunakan, kau yang tak percaya
Bagaimana nak bahagia
Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali
Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri
Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi
Menanti biar terus didustai
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku)
Kaulah derita (bagimu)
Esok lusamu
Tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Dan aku cuba sedaya upaya
Telah ku usaha dengan sepenuh jiwa
Bagaimana hendak ku lupa
bayangan wajahmu selalu di depan mata
harum baumu masih dapat ku hidu
Bagaimana ingin aku membencimu
Jikalau setiap hari merindu
Sekiranya derita merinduimu itu sebenarnya bahagia..
Aku pilih derita..
Mungkinkah esok atau lusa walau biarpun lama
Akan ku biar tiada ku tetap kan setia
Entah bila akan tiba sampai jua harimu yang sama
Esok seperti semalaman yang tak berubah
Kaulah tanda tanya.. kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula
Kaulah tanda tanya.. kau tiada titik noktah
Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula
Seandainya kau berada di depan mata
Mudah untuk aku berkata-kata
Supaya dapatku melihat seraut wajahmu
Walaupun belum tentu kau mahu bertemu
Apalagi memandangku
Setelah ku turutkan segala kemahuan kau mainkan perasaan
Begitu mudah kau ucapkan terimalah saja kenyataan..
Aku masih terkilan
Baru kau tahu derita hatiku
Jika suatu hari nanti giliran kau merindu
Baru kau ingat derita diriku
Segala yang berlaku bukan kemahuanku
Apa gunanya bahgia
Jikalau bahagia bersamamu hanyalah untuk sementara waktu
Aku pilih derita merinduimu
semalam...
i think i want to change something about my life...i should do this for a long time but i just don't have the determination and nothing driven me to change it...*sigh*